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Monday, August 22, 2011

What keeps you motivated?

I woke up this morning not wanting to do anything except lay on the couch and whine.....not a good attitude to have when you are trying desperately to stay positive not only for myself, but other people too. It took me a little while to talk myself into getting up, getting dressed, and taking that first walk of the day....but I did it....I didn't want to....but I did and now I feel much better. 

I've never been one to self talk to myself about the positive things....I would do it for other people to help them through whatever ailment  or problem they were having at the time. I am the middle child, the caregiver, and the peacemaker in my family....sounds great, huh? It is a good thing, but when it comes to taking care of myself...I just never did it...I thought that if I just took care of everyone else and did what they needed me to do, then that was enough. I always felt guilty or selfish if I did special things for myself....crazy huh?? is crazy, because now I am struggling to find out what it is that I actually need. I am a pretty happy person and I am very laid back about most things, so what is it that I need to do?? My mom was the same way, she took care of everyone else and then she ended up being sick and broken in her last days. I admire her for her strength and  her attitude about the way she took care of her loved ones, but I really wish that she would have been a little more selfish about her own care. I want to be able to take care of me so that I can take care of those who need it. If I am not healthy, then what can I do, except be a burden on my loved ones so that they are thrust into the caregiver role?? Not that my parents were a burden because I would gladly do it all over again. I want to be healthy and in shape for my kids and grand kids, I want to be the grandma that wears out her grand kids, not the other way around.

So what is my motivation?? My husband, my kids, my grand kids, friends, family, but most of all me! I have a vision of what my later years are going to be like and that is what I am focusing on. I will always be the caregiver, the peacemaker and the all around helper to others, but I think that by starting with myself, I can do more for the people that I love and I can run the legs off of my husband in the last phase of our lives....the one where its just us finding out who we are together, as adults without the little ones running's a nice journey and I am looking forward to the days ahead. Last, but not least, I think that my mother passed on that stubborn gene to me....I can't give up if I wanted to...sometimes I really want to, but it's just not in me to ever give up.

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