Being grateful in times of trial and tribulation.

I don't know about you, but it has been hard for me to feel grateful during the hard times in my life. I've had so many things that have happened to me or the people that I love that it just seems like I'm being picked on at times. I've gone through losing loved ones to watching my child suffer and not being able to do anything about it! I've gone through being sick all the time, being rejected by someone I love or just fighting depression. I've had people say mean things about me and I have been my own worst critic...which is the worst thing I could possibly do to myself! I am my own worst critic and it has been a long battle...with myself...to overcome the horrible way that I've talked to myself. I don't know where this attitude of "crap talk" came from...I grew up being told that I could do or be anything I wanted to. I didn't have people talking that nonsense to me...I've just always been a sensitive person and I've always been a helper to anyone that need it. Somewhere along the way, something happened and I started to feel defeated and useless. Crazy huh?
It has taken me a long time and a lot of heartache to pull the strength that its in me and to start using it in my life on a daily basis. I have learned that you are stronger then you think and that God has a plan. I've learned to stop questioning everything and to just be quiet long enough to hear what God is telling me...and you know what?? Once I learned that...I actually started hearing the good stuff instead of the bad stuff. I have learned that it is ok to make mistakes, it's ok to fail, it's ok to have a bad day. I've learned to throw out the ugly and replace it with love and forgiveness. I guess I've always thought that if things in my life don't go well, then it must be my fault..right?? No..it is not my fault...it is just what it is!
I still struggle everyday to stay on top of eating healthy, getting some kind of exercise, and to just be ok with whatever comes my way.  Yes, my parents are no longer here and I miss them terribly, but they have taught me all the good and important things that I now need to teach my own children. My son is still struggling and having problems, but he is alive and healthy and his attitude all throughout his ordeal has taught me lessons that no one else in this would could have taught me! So yes...I am thankful everyday for everything..the good and the bad and I am making it a point to show that to everyone I come across. We all think that our lives are full of problems and maybe they are, but someone, somewhere out there has it a whole lot worse than we do and I plan on trying to help anyone that needs it, because I feel like I need to give back some of the love and mercy that I've been given. There are so many people in this world that just need a kind word or a hug and giving them something  makes me feel very happy. So, I am grateful for the happy heart that I've been given and I am grateful for all the good and bad in my life because I know that there is a plan in the works here and it's up to me to make sure that I don't miss a thing and I never want to have an ungrateful heart...I would rather go through all the crap and learn from it and allow it to make me a better person. So when you are feeling yucky about yourself and your life....think about all the people in this world that are suffering on a daily basis and say a little prayer for them and yourself because you are important and you are always loved!
I am praying the new year brings me up a little more from the pit I've been in this past month and that my health is better too! I hope you all have a healthy, happy, Christmas this year with your loved ones, but remember, love yourself and give yourself a break....you deserve it!